Colitis has really affected my dating, sex and intimacy in ways over the years. It can always be difficult to talk about bathroom habits and poo to someone you’re dating, but as a gay man I think there is an extra layer of shame and taboo surrounding the conversation. I have sadly had partners who have found that they no longer find me 'sexy' or wish to be intimate with me if I had recently been poorly. There is also the mental exhaustion and anxiety of needing to be acutely aware of the status of my condition, to be monitoring all feelings, pain and movements which could make an intimate situation embarrassing. I have had embarrassing moments where accidents have happened, and although mostly partners have been kind, it does still impact you mentally, as you then worry each time that it will happen again.
Even throughout periods of feeling better, the worry still exists, and my mind would be very aware that a flare could happen at any moment. Any slight stomach twinge would send me reeling with worry.
Jonathan
Being on medication and steroids can also impact your body. Some people experience weight gain, and I personally went through a range of weight fluctuations throughout my time on different medicines. In the LGBTQ community, when you’re gay, looking in shape or fit seems to be desirable, and I used to fret about not feeling like I was the ‘ideal’ physique. It can be particularly challenging during intimate moments when you feel uncomfortable in your own body and are hyper-sensitive of flaws, which adds to further stress when trying to enjoy those moments with a partner. I had to really work on my own body confidence to allow myself to feel confident and comfortable in my own skin.
Jonathan in hospital
Although it can be a difficult subject to breach with prospective partners or people you’re dating, I have found being open and honest in communication is the key. I’ve even had past partners who wouldn’t visit me in hospital when I was unwell, because they felt it was all too much to deal with. I hope that more understanding and awareness about the conditions and the impacts that they can have on your life, will help more people to be considerate in intimate situations.
Jonathan
Crohn’s & Colitis UK has a fantastic new resource on the conditions, which is full of tailored information, designed by people in the LGBTQIA+ community, for the community. You can read it here.
Find out more about LGBTQIA+ health with Crohn's or Colitis
Members of LGBTQIA+ communities can face extra challenges compared to other people. These challenges can affect all areas of life, including living with Crohn’s or Colitis. View our information on LGBTQIA+ health with Crohn's or Colitis to find out more.
