The following blog, as well as the information it links to, discusses intimate relationships and sexual acts in detail.
Trust and openness
Living with Crohn’s or Colitis can affect people in lots of different ways
Not all of these will be obvious if you don’t have a long-term condition yourself and preferences and needs can change because of symptoms or treatments. Activities that used to bring pleasure may now be uncomfortable or painful and sometimes you may not feel much desire.
You may worry about sex being uncomfortable or even painful. This is common and can make you feel stressed and anxious. You may even feel guilty about how you’re feeling.
Talk about what you would like to do and what still feels good for everyone involved.
Whether you live with Crohn’s or Colitis, or your partner does, it’s important to talk about these changes and your needs. Discussing such sensitive issues can be difficult at first, but it will get easier with time and can help you feel more emotionally intimate.
We recommend being clear and concise in your questions or explanations of the illness and avoid saying sorry for things you can’t control.
If you’re struggling to find the right words, our Talking Toolkit may help.
Living with a long-term condition can trigger lots of different feelings and emotions, which can impact many areas of your life. Anxiety and depression, for example, are common in people affected by Crohn’s or Colitis.
Find out more about this, and how it may affect your sex life, below.
Body image and intimacy
The physical changes caused by Crohn’s or Colitis can affect the way you or your partner feels about their body.
This could be due to the condition directly, or as result of medication or surgery. Changes in weight, surgery scars, fistulas and stomas may all cause visible changes. Some medicines, such as steroids, might also cause cosmetic changes such as a rounded “moon” face, growth of unwanted body hair or stretch marks.
It can be hard to get used to how your body may look or feel and it can be difficult to feel sexy if you are unhappy with how you look. Worrying about how a sexual partner will react can add to these negative feelings but having trust and openness, as we’ve discussed, can help.
Managing fatigue and sex
It isn’t always easy for people in good health to understand fully just how exhausting Crohn's and Colitis can be, but fatigue or extreme tiredness is a very common symptom of Crohn’s and Colitis.
You may feel too tired for sex, and perhaps even too tired to explain.
If you feel very tired at night, it might be worth timing sex for when you are less tired.
It may also help to step back a little, away from the sex you usually have, and look for other ways of being intimate with your partner.
Preparation
A major fear for many people is that they might have an ‘accident’, such as a bout of diarrhoea, during sex.
Even if this doesn’t happen, worrying about the possibility of it happening can be very off-putting. Georgie told us how she would put off intimacy, in fear of something embarrassing happening.
You may find that going to the toilet and emptying your bowel before sex makes you feel more confident, and you could also try having sex at times of day when your bowel is less active.
The effects of common Crohn’s and Colitis symptoms on sex and intimacy, and what can do, are detailed in full at the link below.
Remember, if you need information on living with Crohn's or Colitis our helpline is here for you.
National charity relate offer relationship support for everyone, including those looking to improve their sex life.
